Ok folks... I made it through my first season of Bachelor in Paradise! It was a long hard road but I knew, deep in my heart, that this day would come. I'd like to thank my mom, for always telling me I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, my couch for being profoundly comfy for four hours every week and last but never least... I'd like to thank wine! Oh sweet, sweet wine... you make me a better me.
Right, so we reached the finish line tonight, but not before we took one last stroll down this wild and tear-stained road! As Chris Harrison informs the remaining players (Lacey, Daniel, Derek, Taylor, Raven, Adam, Diggy, Dominique, Jaimi, Christen, Jack Stone, Tickle Monster, Jasmine, D. Lo, Dean, Amanda and Robby) that they have one last night in paradise, they must choose whether they want to stay in paradise for one last date and a chance in the fantasy suite, or head home (either with a chosen partner or alone) and try to make it back in the real world. All but three couples retreat, and of course the breakups are just as juicy as you'd expect, so let's get right down to it, shall we?!
The Absolute Best Moments of This Week's Show
- Scallop Fingers diving back into her natural habitat after freeing herself from the shackles of Jack Stone.
- "I actually am in love with this girl and I lost that to pursue something else." Dean finally (maybe) learning from his mistakes? One can only hope!
- "I don’t want to ruin anything by spending the night with him too soon, and then I don’t want to ruin it by not staying with him.” Raven once again saying exactly what she's thinking and making every girl in America nod in understanding.
- Diggy dumping Dominique for Jaimi...who just wants to be friends. Sorry Diggs, you made no fans over here!
- Learning that both Corinne and DeMario are seeing therapists to deal with the fallout over #BIPScandal. Seems like the best possible outcome for an all-around confusing and crappy situation.
- "Do you want me to move on or should we continue this feud?" Chris Harrison thankfully ending the Jasmine/Scallop Fingers debacle before we waste anymore time with that nonsense. You earned your paycheck tonight, Mr. Harrison!
- "I believed in you, and I believed in us, but there came a point where I had to say goodbye." Can we get a campaign going for Kristina as the next Bachelorette right now please?! Girl is dabomb.com!
- "Every morning he had my avocado toast out waiting for me." Amanda explaining why she decided to give Robby a chance in real life.
- "I think we are looking for different things." - Amanda. Robby: "Oh I know, that's why we aren't together." Honestly, I am not sure who is the bad guy in this duo (is Robby a cheating sleaze or is Amanda a pretentious brat?) and even if this line is harsh,it left me chuckling, so it's going in the awesome column.
- "And we are never, ever, ever getting back together." Lacey finally saying boy,bye! to her doofus from the North, Mr. Canadian Bacon himself. Sure, Lace may have total crazy eyes, but he has smarmy written alllll over him.
- Seeing how genuinely happy Raven looks with Adam. She is a national treasure and she deserves all the happy endings! Fingers crossed for you girl!
- Derek's proposal. Every bit of it. From the shaking hand, to him saying he doesn't need to complete her, that he's happy knowing they complement each other. Ok fine, at the heart of it, I'm a big cornball. So sue me!
- Finally meeting Ben Z's one true love: Zeus! As my roommate said "Ugh, yes, this is my kind of slow motion footage!"
The Most Cringe-Worthy Moments of This Week's Show
- "I just want to make her my wife and have a bunch of babies." "...I think we should leave here as friends." Jack Stone and Christen clearly not on the same page and choosing to end their time together in paradise as "acquaintances."
- "I feel like Dean has made up his mind and finally decided to commit to our relationship right now." D.Lo right before Dean tells her he is still in love with Kristina and he owes it to her to leave Paradise alone. Oh Deanie baby... you are so far past what you owe Kristina!
- "I don't want it to be like last year -- I want it to be our story." Robby making my stone heart crack just the tinsiest bit with that one. Chin up Robby, at the end of the day you still have your social media influencer career... and the swoop!
- The sound of an off-camera ass slap followed by "You bad girl" as we fade out from Lacey and Daniel's Fantasy Suite date
- Watching Dean's hotseat.
- Watching Robby and Amanda's hotseat.
- Watching Lacey and Daniel's hotseat. I HATE HOTSEATS!!
- "We knew we liked each other's company but we didn't know how much we liked each other's company until last night." Raven on her time in the fantasy suite with Adam.
- "I got to really take all of Derek in last night." Taylor on her fantasy suite night with Derek. We get it girls: you had sex last night!
- Derek and Taylor
- Raven and Adam
- Lacey and Daniel
After Paradise... who's left standing?
Lacey and Daniel:This goes up in fiery flames at the reunion as we learn that Daniel admitted to Lacey the morning after their fantasy suite time that he only said he was falling for her to get into her pants.
- Raven and Adam: Now it's on to meeting the parents... oh wait, let's half-ass that right now on the reunion special!
- TAYLOR AND DEREK FOREVER! We smell another BIP wedding!