We're just going to leave this right here because it hit home in a hilariously awful, awful way. The Bachelor really puts the 'guilty' into guilty pleasure, that's for sure. But - buck up - we have a job to do here, so let's get to it.
The Most Notable Moments of Episode 4:
Rose Ceremony. Everyone in the house holds their breath hoping for Nick to send Corinne home. They all seem to feel fairly confident that even though Corinne straddled Nick in a bathing suit earlier that day, having several girls in the house reasonably voice their concerns about her sexuality would be enough for him to send Corinne and her prominent assets home. Shockingly, Nick keeps Corinne and sends home Brittany and Christen.
Nick toasts the remaining women, and Corinne decides it’s appropriate for her to also chime in and lecture the girls on how they should be taking advantage of each day and being themselves. Gee thanks, girl.
Takeaway: It seems like no one in the house likes Corinne at this point, who seals the deal with literally saying “I’m not privileged in any way shape or form.” Remember, this is shortly after she tells us about her nanny Raquel. Taylor is also getting more and more condescending every time we hear from her – and she’s almost always talking about Corinne. Though we tend to agree with what she’s saying generally, her tone is really annoying.
One on One. Nick surprises the women with a trip to his hometown of Waukesha, WI. He grabs a quick coffee with his poor parents, whose desperate silent cries of “Help! Why are we here again!” radiate through the screen. Nick’s mom gets emotional because her son refuses to attempt to find love off-screen, she just wants the best for her son.
Nick chooses Danielle to have a one-on-one in his hometown, and they make adorable cookies at a local bakery. They run into one of Nick’s ex-girlfriends Amber, who gives Danielle some great advice that Nick “won’t be in it until he feels it”. Those are the kinds of gems you get after dating someone for three months, after all. Thanks, Amber, Danielle now holds the key to Nick’s heart. Although – Nick does give Danielle the rose so who knows.
Takeaway: This date was kind of boring. Neither Danielle or Nick seems to be that into it. At one point Nick says “You seem incredibly nice, but I feel like there is more to you”. And there’s really no answer. Danielle reveals that she’s a child of divorce and is naturally a little more guarded about her relationships. Nick gives her the rose, and they crash a Chris Lane concert and dance on stage (this is kind of turning into their thing – they did it at the Backstreet Boys concert last week too).
Group Date. It’s on a farm! We're having major Bachelor Chris flashbacks. Corinne, on the other hand – looks TERRIFIED. “I don’t know how to chores! Let along farm chores! I wouldn’t even let my nanny Rachel do farm chores.” Sufficient to say she’s not as comfortable getting this kind of dirty. Her poor little face, when she's handed the shovel and pointed in the direction of the cow manure, is…priceless. But we’re actually with her on this one, what in the world are they all doing shoveling poo on a farm! And in Corinne’s words: “Thank God I didn’t wear designer today. I need sushi.” While all then other ladies are grimacing, they are participating – which is more to say than our gal, who is literally sitting off to the side watching them. Once again, the girl isn’t making many friends in that house with these actions. She starts to get wind that something isn’t right when everyone at the farm starts glaring at her, so she approaches everyone at the dinner that night to clear the air. Well – the air just got murkier, because the other ladies (lead by Sarah and Kristina) lay it out for her: Is she mature enough to marry Nick? Is she ready for commitment? Is she too young? Are you able to be there for him? We almost felt kind of bad for her, as she a was totally ganged up on. Kristina, in particular, was harsh – so when Nick gives her the Group Date Rose you can literally see FIRE in Corinne’s eyes.
Takeaway. Corinne is a brat. Shocker. The girls are pissed. Shocker. Nick is oblivious. Shocker.
One on One. Raven gets the last one on one date! She was our favorite in Week 2 for telling it like it is, and her accent makes us want to pinch her cheeks. Nick takes Raven to see his youngest sister Bella's soccer game. They stretch it out with the team, do some warmups - and we all collectively fall a little more in love with Nick as we see how amazing he is with Bella. Raven also gets introduced to Nick's parents - poor Raven was shaking in her boots, but she carried herself well! Hanging on the sidelines like she's part of the family. Let me tell ya guys - I could see it. She's hometown-y, charming, kind, smart...but she also has shown us that she's ok with telling Nick how she feels and being upfront. Also, we learn that Raven is BADA$$ - when we caught her ex cheating on her, she kicked in the door, beat up the woman and beat him with her stiletto. WHOA.
Takeaway. We're big fans of Raven. She's still #2 in our book (that date with Vanessa last week where Nick cried because he could see a future with her snagged the #1 spot). It's hard to tell how Nick feels - he wears his cards close to his sleeve, until he doesn't. The guy is either stone-faced or crying! But he likes her enough to give her the rose, and we can tell Raven is reeeeeallllly falling for the guy.
Rose Ceremony. Before we say anything else, this is literally the first time we've seen the women actually eat food. THANK GOODNESS! Kudos to Corinne and Josephine for eating on camera. *insert clap emoji* Now onto the good stuff: the Corinne vs. Taylor showdown that the producers have had us waiting for weeks is finally here. And we are shocked to be writing this right now but...we came out of it Team Corinne. Taylor was SO condescending and acted like she was doing Corinne a favor by telling her, essentially that she is stupid. It felt like she was a psychologist in a low-rent episode of Dr. Shrink. Ew. Also, so what if Corinne's 'emotional intelligence' is low? Taylor acting as Nick's spokesperson worrying about their relationship is so lame. Why does that have anything to do with Taylor? In our opinion, she needs to work on her own relationship. She left a super bad taste in our mouths, and in Corinne's too. All we need to do now is wait until next week, when - from then promos - it looks like Corinne literally beats Taylor up.
Takeway: We don't know who gets the rose until next week, but that really is besides the issue. The Corrine vs. Taylor showdown is hogging all of the attention, and Nick seems like a side item. While Corinne is admittedly a mess, Taylor playing shrink rubs us the wrong way. Neither of them is going to end up with Nick, let's be honest - so let's just move on.
This Week's Awards
- Hot Mess of the Week: Corinne, although at the end there Taylor gave her a run for her money
- Our Favorite Human of the Week: Raven, explaining how she went all 'spider monkey' when she found her boyfriend cheating on her
- Who We Think Will Win: Vanessa. Come on, Nick CRIED when he thought about their future. CRIED.
- Favorite Corinne Quotes: “Michael Jordan took naps. Abraham Lincoln took naps.” - Corinne, confused that the girls are upset by her napping.