I've always been a sensitive person; I can cry at the drop of a hat and I don't get mad, I get upset. I don't think that is something to be ashamed of -- it doesn't mean I'm weak or not confident in who I am, it just means that maybe sometimes I care too much about people who I shouldn't, and this makes dating hard for me. Basically, I put a lot in but get little in return.
Recently, I've been having a hard time dating. I put a lot of pressure on myself and I haven't really had a connection with anyone or the dates I've been on have been somewhat mediocre and not worth a second date. But that all changed when I met a guy on a dating app (ugh I know, it seems the only way to meet people these days)! We went on three dates and I was thinking "okay, I've finally met someone who I can see myself with!" He's attractive, funny, smart, and I feel comfortable around him, but we had very different political views. And then it happened -- he disappeared or as some would say, ghosted. We texted briefly after our third date and that was the last I heard from him.
I tried to stay positive, telling myself that maybe he just got busy or something came up. Then one day turned into four days without hearing from him and of course, my mind goes to "what did I do wrong, why doesn't he like me, and what did I say to make him run?" Call me crazy, but this is just how my brain works.
I try not to let these situations bother me because it is part of dating, but it's hard. After a few days of not hearing from him, I called my mom crying out of frustration (ps. I was PMSing). I just didn't understand what happened. I was annoyed that he couldn't be man enough to text or call me and say "hey, I don't think this is going to work out between us but it was great getting to know you." It's simple and respectful. But instead, I'm sitting here wondering what the h*ll I happened. I think ghosting after one date is okay but after three dates and weeks of texting constantly, it is just plain rude and immature. I don't even really know why I cared so much that he ghosted -- he wasn't my boyfriend, he had absolutely no obligation to text me, and he used there, their, and they're wrong, but still! Ugh.
I'm not sure why I question myself (although I know I'm not the only girl in the world who does this), but I'm working on it. I am a confident, funny (at least I think so), very independent woman and I find myself having to remind myself of that when it comes to online dating. I am meeting someone for the first time in a very awkward situation, this person may or may not have other prospects, I know nothing about his background, and honestly, I just am not everybody's cup of tea -- so if they don't like me after the first date, whatever, onto the next one. But if you do continue to see me, don't be disrespectful when you decide maybe I'm not the right girl, and I won't be disrespectful if I think the same.
I'm slowly but surely learning that maybe it is okay to be single and that just because someone doesn't text or call me back after a date, I shouldn't let it hurt my feelings or take it personally -- like my mom always says, "his loss!" I still think ghosting is rude and immature, but I won't let it get to me anymore because I am not weak or desperate. I have a great job, an amazing family, and a wonderful life -- I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy. So, for now, I will continue dating with more confidence and less pressure of finding the perfect person, but just the intention of meeting fun and interesting people. And if I get ghosted again, I will think "Forget you!" and move on with my life because you obviously weren't worth my time.
Lastly, I would like to thank the movie How to be Single for the best "surviving singleness" quote of all time:"The thing about being single is, you should cherish it. Because, in a week, or a lifetime, of being alone, you may only get one moment. One moment, when you're not tied up in a relationship with anyone. A parent, a pet, a sibling, a friend. One moment, when you stand on your own. Really, truly single. And then... It's gone."
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