Mike and Katie match on Tinder. Mike played the game of “more is more” by just swiping right on every female with a pulse, while Katie accidentally swiped right when she was out with friends one night. He had a picture with his dog, and he thinks he is being clever by using the pick-up line from Master of None. Somehow it works, and Mike and Katie are set to have a date. They have the day, time, and place. Mike is wearing his one nice shirt, and he made sure to shower today. Katie puts on a little extra make-up and a nicer top than usual. They meet. Mike goes in for a hug-handshake combo, already making the date awkward. They chat, order food, eat. The check comes; Katie doesn’t offer, but Mike thinks that the man should pay for the first date anyway. They exchange pleasantries and goodbyes with a hug. They go their separate ways. Mike thinks he’s nailed it, but Katie had other ideas.
Katie walked into this date knowing she was going to break the dating social contract. She knew she violated the cardinal rule of dating: if you go on a date with another person, you need to be in it for the right reasons. If person A and person B decide to share time together, it should be under the shared expectation that the time spent with each other will be genuine, even if the outcome for after the date may be different. If either person is going on the date and not really feeling it, it is unfair to both parties. Mike was convinced he had a date that was participating in the shared courting process, yet he couldn’t have been more wrong. Katie knew from the start that she was not interested. Mike had just experienced being used for the newest form of dating diss: the foodie call.
A foodie call is the act of going out on a date with another person, where person A knows beforehand that he or she is not interested in person B. Person A still goes out on the date for the sole purpose of receiving free food and/or drinks from person B. However, Person B is under the impression that this is a date; person B sees potential while person A sees a meal ticket.
This is disgraceful. It is completely okay if a man or woman goes on a date and does not enjoy it. It is also okay if said man or woman had their dinner paid for, yet doesn’t see a second date happening. As long as all parties are okay with the date, it is okay. What is not okay is a man or woman knowingly participating in a date with the sole purpose of receiving free food and/or drinks. It’s a spit in the face of the person on the date. Sure, the cost of living in D.C. is outrageous, and salaries are often not matching up, but using others for free food is not the solution.
A foodie call is a dastardly deed that is only performed by the truly evil and heartless. It is an act that is done by a motherless troll who was raised by the Wicked Witch of the West and Voldemort. It is a crime against dating committed by only the soulless, the diabolical, the horrific, the satanic, the monstrous, the immoral, the malevolent, the foul, the vile, the depraved, the malicious. It is the Nickelback of dating. The Star Wars prequels of relationships. It is the “person has read your message but hasn’t answered back” of going out.
Dating has enough pitfalls. We don’t need another way in which dating is the worst. Please don’t be the Crocs of dating. Don’t be the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull of relationships. For the love of all that is holy, don’t be the Comic Sans of going out with people. Don’t be the person that goes on a foodie call.
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