Once upon a time, in a mythical land, there was a powerful sorcerer named Sauron who poured all of his hatred and malice into a magical ring, forged in the fires of Mount Doom. Oh sorry, that’s the wrong fantasy story. Let me start over...
Once upon a time, in a mythical land, people used to approach each other in real life and speak to one another. Relationships started organically at work, in a person’s neighborhood, through friend groups, or even at a bar or club. People, and I know this is the weirdest part, would use their mouths to put sounds together to create words to communicate interest in another person. The man wouldn’t even show the woman a picture of his genitals. After a sufficient amount of time of speaking to each other, these same people would then decide if it was appropriate to go out on a date with each other or not. No technological assistance was needed. And they all (sometimes) lived happily ever after. The end.
But the story has changed dramatically in recent years. The invention of dating apps has radically altered how people communicate, meet and date. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, JSwipe, Farmers Only, People Suck and I Hope You Do Too, Feed Me Pizza and Touch My Butt, What Rhymes with Hug Me? (Ok, not all of these are real, but I just gave you some million dollar ideas -- you’re welcome.)
Whatever the name, they all follow the same basic premise: each person sees pictures and a profile of people within a certain distance, and have the choice of swiping left (denial) or swiping right (acceptance). Things have changed so much that men and women will literally stand at a bar, surrounded by attractive singles, and borrow each other’s phones to be on a dating app.
From what I can tell, men and women approach these apps with staggering differences. Women seem to spend a genuine amount of time looking through what is written in the profile and the pictures, truly deciphering who this person is. They then swipe right or left based on all the available information. My observation is that the default position for a female is the swipe left, with right swipes reserved for possible mates that meet certain standards.
Men, on the other hand, need something to do while sitting on the toilet. We have 10 minutes to kill, so we take out our phones, open one of the apps and without looking at profiles -- or even really the pictures -- we just start blindly swiping right. Disclaimer: This is not all men. However, all of my closest friends, and most men I’ve spoken to, employ this method.
But I'm telling you, this method is to everyone’s advantage. I’m going to spill a secret that most men don’t want to hear -- most women are much smarter and have better judgement than most men. We men aren’t just being pigs that will accept any woman that shows even the slightest interest in us; we are putting our trust in women. Because women spend more time and take the apps much more seriously, it would make sense that I would trust most matches that I receive. If a woman has spent time and effort surveying my profile and pictures, and we still match, there is obviously some sort of possible connection between us.
Much like in the animal kingdom, women are the ones that choose the appropriate and suitable mates. Male animals try to appeal to all of the females, while the females must then observe what the male offers and make a decision. Dating as a whole is exponentially more treacherous for women than it is for men. By swiping right on every woman, we are putting the power in women’s hands. We are open to anything, but when a woman swipes right on us, she has seen something in us. We are putting ourselves out there to the world, and the women are the Brita filters, the gatekeepers, the club bouncers, the Gandalfs standing in the tomb of Balin screaming at the Balrog “You Shall not Pass!”
However, denial is an inevitable aspect of dating. If I’ve swiped right on every woman, that means that 90% of women asked themselves: “Where’s the rest of his hair? Why would he have a Lord of the Rings tattoo? How many lightsabers does he even own?” and swiped left.