When I realized my marriage was over, the last person I wanted to tell was my mom. She was that person that knew he was wrong for me from the start. But my reluctance to share wasn't so I could avoid an “I told you so” moment -- I knew this news would make her profoundly sad. She had grown to love him, and I knew she did not want me to be alone as she had been for more than 30 years; she did not want my life to mirror hers, at least not in that way.
For many women, there is a defining moment in our lives when we realize we have in fact become our mothers. Some greet the news with a rye smile, while in others it instills combo feelings of fear and loathing. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mother, but I did not want to live my life alone as she had for the last 38 years of her life.
But alas, I have become so much like her it lessens the blow of not having her with me as I frequently hear her words coming out of my mouth. So, I give you the top five reasons I know I have become my mother.
5. I started going back to Church and sitting in the same pew -- I do however rebel and go on Saturday nights so as not to be late for the Redskins kickoff on Sundays.
4. I often turn down invitations in order to stay home and get my house organized. This particular trait of hers drove me mad so I am trying to wean myself from it, but the lure of an organized pantry is sometimes irresistible.
3. I tell people, particularly my kids, that I don’t need help in the kitchen because I know no one will do it as well as I do. I will never forget how mad I was when one Thanksgiving I washed and dried all of her crystal, china and silverware. I dutifully washed her Waterford crystal in water so hot it scalded my hands and immediately dried each piece to avoid any pesky water spots only to learn the next day she had taken every glass out of the china cabinet and rewashed it. While I have not resorted to that level of madness yet, I fear I'm just one water spot stained glass away.
2. After a recent marathon weekend of Gilmore Girls with my daughter, I reflected on the fact that one trait my mom and I share -- which I am thrilled about -- is our close relationships with our daughters. My mom and I were a little like Lorelei and Rory as my Dad died when I was young. In the case of my daughter, however, the roles are reversed -- she is definitely the Lorelei to my Rory, so ours is a more traditional relationship. But she'll forever be my best friend and in that way I am happy to mimic my mom.
1. The number one reason I know I have morphed into mom is that as I look at the life ahead of me I am very thankful that I, like my mother, am comfortable in my own skin. I have friends and family I love, but I very much love time to myself. Much like my mother, time in my house -- which I have turned into a warm and inviting home complete with sparkling crystal, plenty of good food (thank heavens I, unlike my mother, can cook) and wine -- is time that I am at peace. I always look forward to friends and family visiting and they will always be welcomed, but at the end of the day I can be happy with just me. For that gift, mom, I will always be eternally grateful.